Love & The Tender Foodie. First Dates.

As seen on p. 18 in the February issue of Women's Lifestyle Magazine

Dating.  We know we need to put our best foot forward when the latest Mr. Right asks us out, but food allergies, sensitivities, intolerances . . . can make us feel like we are an alien from another planet.   A first date equals a new, unknown person to trust with private information.   We have to answer a list of embarrassing questions and risk appearing “odd”.  We also have to confront and change a set of social standards that have been in place for generations.  

For instance, you may have to take some of the control away from the man, as well as some of the fun.  Your date can’t surprise you with the restaurant.  He can’t buy that big red box of nutty, milky chocolates.  And for some of the most sensitive Tender Foodies, he can’t eat peanuts before a good night kiss without an Epi-pen loaded, an ambulance waiting in the wings, and a high risk tolerance for life and death situations.  This is unusual, but true.

As with most things in life, however, a complicated scene can be simplified by starting with the truth.  
 
For me, there is always a shining moment where I set my jaw ever so slightly and tell it like it is.   Before this single Tender Foodie gives counsel, however, I crosschecked my methods with actual relationship experts, Jeff Gorter, MSW and Carolyn Aibel, Ph.D.

Both confirmed that being up front right away is the best solution and they helped me with a little action plan.

If you have to eat a big, hairy frog, you might as well eat it first thing in the morning and get it over with.  Unless, of course, you are frog intolerant.”  _Jeff Gorter, MSW

Be Confident in Your Character

Someone you like (we hope you like) is asking you out.  This is a beautiful thing.  With food allergies or any serious, chronic health condition, it is easy to let fear construct unnecessary obstacles.  But remember, your condition is not a reflection of your character and your food allergies are not who you are.  

“There is nothing shameful about it.  We all have our stuff.  A food allergy / sensitivity is just one of those things.”  _Carolyn Aibel, Ph.D.
 

Lead with Your Weakness

The perfect time to discuss your food allergies is right after you tell your date how happy you are that he asked you out.  Calmly say something like, “I would like you to know that I have some [pretty serious] food allergies.  Would it be OK if I chose the restaurant?  Not all restaurants know how to handle these allergies properly. And I’d rather just focus on getting to know each other and not have to worry about it during our date.”   

“If your thoughts are, “I don’t want him to think I’m weird” and you avoid telling him, you have automatically created a barrier to success.  You will then put your date in an awkward position when he does find out, and he won’t have the opportunity to make choices that are good for both of you.” _Jeff Gorter, MSW

Know Your Reactions to Food

I cannot stress this enough.  Talk to your doctor.  Know what you have and what the consequences are if a mistake is made.  Do you need an Epi-pen?  Can you kiss a guy right after he drinks a beer, downs a shrimp, or eats a peanut?  What is your action plan if you have a reaction?  If you have the delayed type of immune response, celiac disease, or a sensitivity don’t “suffer through” in order to avoid confrontation.  If you know what you need, it is much easier to communicate the right things to the people that need to know. To help, visit www.tenderpalate.com and visit “10 Steps to Get Started” & “What is a Food Allergy?”  

Rehearse Your Story

Inevitably, personal questions will come up, and I always dread them.  But questions are good because they usually indicate that your date is interested and cares.  The trick is to keep your answers informative and to the point, then move quickly to topics that are more fun and mutually interesting.  

“Your story needs to reflect your own comfort level and this takes some soul searching ahead of time.  Practice like you are giving an elevator speech.  You can’t expect someone else to be more comfortable with your story than you are.”  Jeff Gorter, MSW

Use The Food Allergy Filter

A few Tender Foodies on Facebook gave some great advice:

1) Food allergies can serve as a great filter for "insignificant others".  A good guy will seek to understand, care and learn.  A self-centered guy won’t.

2) If your date has been trained by other people before you . . . bonus!

3) Dump the date that takes you out, eats in front of you & makes you eat at the "next" place.  Yes, this really happened.

Leave Your Baggage at the Door

If you are tempted to over compensate, ask yourself “why”.  Your requests to protect your health are reasonable.  In reality, you haven’t really deprived your date of anything.  

“Really, what the food allergic person might be feeling is their own sense of deprivation that they are projecting onto the other person.  You’ve only given them a piece of information about you.  After all, food allergies are not contagious.”  _Carolyn Aibel, Ph.D

Now Go Have Fun!

Even though you must control your food, you don’t have to control your date.  Simply be aware of other areas in which you can be more flexible.  If you have a list of restaurants that can serve you, let him surprise you from that list.  If you can’t eat out at all, ask him if he has any non-food ideas like a museum or a sporting event, and tell him you will pack the lunch.  If your relationship is at a comfortable point, perhaps you can cook for him, or grocery shop and cook together.  (Now, how fun would that be!)

If we boil this down to the fundamentals, dating with food allergies is not so different from “regular dating.”  

Know yourself.  Be up front.  Choose your partners wisely.  Then be creative.  

And let him be creative back.  

About Our Expert Sources

Jeff Gorter, MSW, brings over 25 years of clinical experience including consultation and extensive on-site critical incident response to businesses and communities.  He is an account executive at Crisis Care Network in Grand Rapids, MI.  Carolyn Aibel, Ph.D., is a licensed clinical psychologist in private practice in Boulder, CO.  She specializes in treating individuals with eating issues.

About The Author

Writer, owner of Blue Pearl Strategies, and lover of all culinary delights, Elisabeth is a Tender Foodie. She started The Tender Palate, a website for foodies with food allergies where she consults with experts from every area of the Tender Foodie life. She believes that everyone should live deliciously and have a healthy seat at the table. Find her at www.tenderpalate.com.

Begin Again.

If you can't run to the end of the road, walk there.

If you need to rest, rest.

Then begin again.

It's your road.

REVIEW: Crave Bake Shop (Let's move to Oregon)

 

The Box Arrives

When I interviewed Kyra Bussanich, the owner of Crave Gluten Free Bake Shop, I laughed when she said that her shipping boxes were tightly wrapped and covered with bright orange "fragile" stickers.  But she wasn't kidding.  My box arrived like it was going to war.  But when I opened it, a few tasty little friends were happily looking up at me from their crisp white bakery box.  Unbroken.  Unharmed.  Waiting to be devoured.

Those little friends were called Peanut Butter Ring Ding Swiss Rolls and Grasshopper Mint Brownies.  My inner kid was clapping. 

Last December, Kyra and I discussed the bake shop's process to prevent cross contamination.  Kyra knows what she is doing.  There is no spelt, rye, wheat, triticale in the bakery.  She sources from tested gluten-free manufacturers.  I had also sent her my allergen list, so I was confident that these treats would be safe for me to eat. As I speak to more restaurant and bakery owners, I"m finding that when the owner of a foodie establishment has serious food restrictions themselves, they tend to be much more knowledgeable about food allergy practices.

 Peanut Butter Ring Dings

Peanut Butter Ring Dings (forefront); Grasshopper Mint Brownie (back)

I tried the Peanut Butter Ring Dings first, partly because brownies are my favorite food of all time (wait.... no, they are pretty much my favorite food of all time) and I wanted to save them for last.  I also enlisted a few non-food-allergic taste testers:  my mom and my friend Val.  Kyra was the first gluten-free baker to ever win Cupcake Wars, so this tasting responsibility was not to be done alone. 

My mom took the first bite and exclaimed, "Oh these are amazing!  These are gluten-free?"  When I replied yes, she had another question, "Where are these from?"  When I responded with "Oregon", she said with finality, "Oh, we are moving to Oregon." 

What I appreciated most about the ring ding was that the cake was really light and fluffy.  Even with the advances in gluten-free baking lately, these are two rare qualities in a gluten-free cake. 

The cake and filling had also retained their moisture, even though the intended arrival was a day late (thanks Postmaster).  The hard chocolate shells that surrounded each ring ding may have had something to do with that.  The peanut butter, dairy-free "cream" was also light and the peanut butter taste was surprisingly delicate.  I'm not used to peanut butter anything being delicate, and I liked it.  The chocolate shell, however, was a little too thick to let you truly recognize the lightness of the cake and filling, so I removed half of the chocolate shell.  When I did so, I could better appreciate the talent that went into the cake and the filling. Please note that this is more of an observation rather than a complaint.  The peanut butter ring dings are delish.

I saved a second set of treats for the next day.  They were still surprisingly fresh.   I asked my friend Val stop by to get another opinion.  She grew up with a celiac sister, so she has tasted many a gluten-free item, plus her taste buds are accustomed to wheat.   I left off part of the shell for her first bite and she started raving and repeating the, "This is really gluten-free?" question over and over.   Then she said, "Hey, where's the rest of the chocolate?  Hand it over.  That's mine."  The ring ding, plus complete chocolate coating, was her favorite.

Grasshopper Mint Brownies

 Grasshopper Mint Brownie

I have been searching for the world's best brownie ever since I popped forth from the womb.  For nearly 10 years, I had also made it my mission to find the best 2 am. grilled cheese and bacon sandwich in Manhattan.  With the onset of my allergies I've had to give up one search (seriously, a gluten-free, dairy-free grilled cheese is possible?), but not my quest for the best brownie. 

Wheatless or not, my standards remain high.  I still want the perfect mix of chewy, moist and only slightly cakey.  I still want the chocolate to have depth and a nice finish.  Yes, I'm serious.  Chocolate is like wine.  You don't want your brownie to leave you hanging.

I've tasted some very good gluten-free brownies within the last decade.  BabyCakes Bakery in New York City serves a lovely brownie bite.  My own brownie tart recipe, though quite rich, is one of my favorites, too.  Until now.

Crave makes the best brownies I've ever tasted.  The texture of the brownie itself was heavenly.  Chewy, moist, just a hint of  cakey - all there.  The mint "cream" was a nice surprise.  At first, I was unsure.  There was a lot of it and I wanted just a little more brownie.  So I tried the brownie alone.  Perfect.   I tried the mint cream alone and I was amazed at the perfect balance of fresh mint flavor.  I absolutely loved the two layers together.   I wanted more.  Usually mint flavored baked goods have a rather fake taste to them, which I find offputting.  Crave's mint, however, was fresh and satisfying.  I miss that grasshopper mint brownie. 

In fact, my annual birthday brownies are coming from Crave this year, and I"m going to order a bunch. 

Find Crave

www.cravebakeshop.com

LOCATION: 460 5TH STREET, LAKE OSWEGO, OR 97034

PHONE: 503.212.2979 | FAX: 503.212.2978

EMAIL: INFO@CRAVEBAKESHOP.COM

HOURS: TUE-FRI 8am - 5pm, SAT 8am - 4pm

 Full length view: Grasshopper Mint Brownie

Review: The Magic of the BellyFULL Kit (from The Hopeful Company)

The Tender Foodie welcomes regular guest blogger, Melanie Potock of My Munch Bug.

The BellyFULL Kit

When the mailman recently delivered a box from The HopeFULL Company, it took a minute to recall what might be inside: “Oh, right” I pondered.  “This must be those funny shaped frozen pop molds from those gals in Minnesota…”  As a feeding therapist, I love to try new products that help kids be more adventurous eaters. Whether I am working with a medically fragile child or a garden variety “picky eater”, I am always thinking of how to make eating fun!

 

But, another frozen treat mold?  Really?  My father always taught me: Never judge a book by its cover.  There had to be more to this.  I opened the box and began to examine what new treasure had arrived that day while discovering how I might use this to help children be more adventurous eaters.  The box contained a complete BellyFULL Kit, which included…

  

1.       An adorable chef’s hat: the essential accessory.  I mean, who doesn’t love a good hat?

 

 It’s adjustable too!  I have a huge head and I suspect the hat is meant for kids, but of course, being 52 going on 5,  I had to try it on.  It didn’t quite fit sitting on my blockbuster noggin, but if you undo the Velcro in the back and slip it on like a pilgrim hat, it’s absolutely fabulous.  

Me in my "Pilgram" hat

 

2.       A silicone mold: if you’ve got kids, you know the absolute delight in anything wiggly and jiggly!

This bright orange flexible mold allows the 8 frozen pops to be well, “popped” out with ease.  In feeding therapy, we know the first step to interacting with new foods is being willing to handle the container.  For many kids, this can be as challenging as spooning out a Brussels sprout from a family serving bowl.  With the BellyFULL mold, the container is so enticing, kids will be eager to handle it, fill it and pop out the nutritious treats.  It’s irresistible!

 

3.       100 Birchwood spoons that your kids get to push into the pop with the bowl of the spoon sticking OUT, like a little handle.  

The spoons are just the right size for little fists and offer just enough of a handle that the pops won’t flip out of their grasp.  Have you ever noticed that a traditional frozen pop stick is just too narrow and too long for little fists to hang on to?  Plus, the curve of the spoon bowl fits nicely with the curve of your child’s thumb, adding extra stability while holding the pop.  Hesitant eaters don’t want their food waving in front of them.  They want to feel secure and stable with it before they put it in their mouths.  

4.       My favorite part: the coated recipe cards (easy clean!) on a ring (brilliant!) with fun, playful graphics that will elicit plenty of belly laughs!  

My favorite card was the recipe for “Applesauce-A-Saurus” pops, with a silly photo of a ferocious dinosaur about to devour an orange tray of frozen pops!

The photos are entertaining conversation starters to help kids decide which recipe they want to make that day.  When you have a hesitant eater, introducing a new food truly begins with something silly, like a dinosaur eating popsicles or putting on a chef’s hat upside down!  If you can engage them in the kitchen and get them involved in the preparation of the food, you are that much closer to that first taste.

 

More than just a ring full of recipes, each card includes a “Kids Can” text box with fantastic suggestions for helping kids experience all the sensory aspects of cooking.  The suggestions on each card are helpful reminders for parents to get their kids involved and include recommendations like, “Kids can…squeeze the pulp out of the halved avocado into the blender” and “Pack the spinach leaves to measure.”

 

Spinach?  Yes Popeye, spinach.  This isn’t an effort to hide healthy food in a sugary treat; this is a mission to get your kids involved in washing the spinach leaves, pulling off the stems, packing the measuring cup and dumping it in the blender along with the other wholesome ingredients for the “Raspberry Robot” pop.  Hear the blender whir and watch as the leaves disappear along with the avocado, almond butter, raspberries and yogurt.  Don’t be surprised if they announce that they love frozen spinach!

Substitutions for Food Allergies & Texture Works!

 

The result of this blenderized magic is a smooth, velvety frozen treat that offers just the right consistency for little munchbugs learning to tolerate frozen foods.  For example, the Raspberry Robot pop had a texture similar to a traditional fudge bar, easy to bite into and quick to melt in the mouth.  Because my job involves helping children learn to tolerate new textures, I experimented with this recipe a bit.  I substituted frozen cherries for the raspberries and blended just a tad less to keep some extra texture (cherry skins) in the mix.  Another time, because so many of my clients have food allergies, I substituted sunflower seed butter for the almond butter and tasted no difference.  A third time, I used orange juice instead of almond milk and the pop was a bit more like a traditional icy treat, requiring a bit more strength to bite into and providing a more solid chunk in my mouth.  For kids who are taking that next step in jaw strength, the ability to change the recipes in order to change the hardness and texture of the frozen pop is appealing.  Substitutions were always simple and tasted great!

 

Now, some kids have trouble with temperature, especially “frozen” foods.  My favorite therapy technique is to have a narrow glass filled with water to dip the frozen treat.  It makes the outer layer melt just enough to help a child take their first lick.  Kids love to watch the colored swirls in the glass as you twirl the frozen pop in the water and slowly, over time, adjust to the temperature.  

Gentle Eating for Those With Cancer

 

Know what I love best about The BellyFULL Kit?  That it came about quite unexpectedly from a random act of kindness.  Jessica and Stephanie, the two sisters who founded The HopeFULL Company, reached out to help a family friend who was diagnosed with cancer in 2009.  

BellyFull Founders, Jessica and Stephanie

They said “Like many people undergoing chemotherapy treatments, eating was no longer an enjoyable activity for our friend. She struggled to find foods that she could tolerate and that would give her enough calories and nutrition. Knowing we both made homemade baby food for our children, she asked us to make her meals which were small in portion, packed with nutrition and without strong flavors. We were thrilled to help and dove enthusiastically into the project.”

What began as an act of kindness to nurture a dear friend grew to include a new project:  The BellyFULL Kit. Jessica and Stephanie tell us that “this kit was inspired out of a desire to introduce whole foods to our young children in a way that nurtures their curiosity for food, fosters a love of whole foods and desire to eat healthy. The BellyFULL Kit makes it easy to introduce whole foods to young children in an adventurous, playful way. Our frozen BellyFULLs make eating whole foods fun for kids, and preparing them together can create memories which will last a lifetime! BellyFULLs are perfect for finicky little eaters, children with sensory issues, little chefs in the making, parents who made their own baby food, upcoming kid birthdays or mommy-to-be/baby showers!”

 

And to that I shout from my happy belly: “BRAVO Sisters! BRAVO!”

About Melanie

Melanie Potock, MA, CCC-SLP, of www.mymunchbug.com.  Melanie is speech language pathologist who specializes in feeding.  Her work brings her into the homes and schools of her clients, kids, who for various reasons have difficulty with food or with eating. She works with kids and their parents to develop effective strategies that help children become “more adventurous eaters”.  At least 50% of her clients have food allergies or intolerances, and for them, “adventurous eating” takes on a special meaning.  Melanie is also the author of Happy Mealtimes with Happy Kids” and the executive producer of “Dancing in the Kitchen.”

More Posts from Melanie

Tips to Help Your Food Allergic Child Belong During the Holidays

How to Talk Turkey (and Food Allergies) at Thanksgiving

How Can Parents Feel Less Stress with a Food Allergic Child in School?

10 Steps to Living Allergen-Free (& Doing it Well) - Women's Lifestyle

Women's LifeStyle Magazine Jan. 2012 - Fresh Starts (Find this article pgs 36-37)

After being featured in their October 2011 issue, This Tender Foodie is so pleased to be a new writer for Women's Lifestyle Magazine this year.   This article is reprinted here with their permission.  But do visit the full January 2012 issue called"Fresh Starts".  It is full of great stuff for the new year. Plus, this article (and all of the others) is so gorgeous laid out in the magazine!

Food Allergies Have Risen - Have You Noticed?

The number of people diagnosed with food allergies or intolerances (aka “Tender Foodies”) has risen significantly and rapidly.  An online search will lead you to gads of stories about people, including celebrities, who struggle with their reactions to food.  To help us understand how quickly food allergies have “spread”; here are a few facts:

•    Peanut allergies have tripled from 1997-2008 (FAAN)
•    There are 4 times more people with Celiac Disease than there were 50 years ago (March 2011, University of Maryland study).  
•    12 million people (and counting) have classic food allergies (FAAN)
•    In March 2011, a study revealed that as many as 18 million people are suspected to have gluten sensitivity.  (U of Maryland study).


This rapid rise in food allergies has also spawned virtual Petri dish of confusion.  Thus, in honor of 2012, this Tender Foodie column will start at the very beginning (it’s a very good place to start) with some tips to help you better understand what your Tender Foodie life is all about.

Take These 10 Steps

1. Understand Your Reaction to Food

There are eight types of foods that cause 90% of all allergic reactions (namely, eggs, dairy, gluten, soy, fish, shellfish, tree nuts, peanuts).  Very simply, allergic reactions occur because your immune system mistakes a food (or foods) for a foreign invader.  There are several different types of immune responses that can cause a variety of symptoms including hives, itching, eczema, difficulty breathing, swollen joints, diarrhea, constipation, fatigue, nasal congestion, depression, anxiety, anaphylaxis (a severe reaction to an allergen) and possibly death.  

So when it comes to living with food allergies, the first step to “doing it well” is to understand your particular reaction to food.   Is it a Food Allergy?  Intolerance?  Sensitivity?  Celiac Disease?  Or is it something else?  This is sometimes difficult to determine, since not everyone defines “food allergy” the same way and not all food reactions are alike.  To help, I contacted Sheila George, M.D., C.A. (a family medical practitioner in New York, specializing in chronic disease) and Alessio Fasano, M.D., Director of the University of Maryland Center for Celiac Research.  With the input of experts like these, we have compiled a working list of fundamental definitions at www.TenderPalate.com.  If we can speak the same language, doctors, patients, friends and families can come to a better understanding and Tender Foodies can live in better health.

2.  Find the Right Doctor

If you think your symptoms are because of the food you are eating, it is very important to find the right doctor …and the right diagnosis.  There are many types of tests available now, including skin prick tests, blood tests, food challenges, and intestinal biopsies (if warranted, to diagnose Celiac disease).  Ask your doctor about the tests available and if you should be referred to a specialist.  If you need a guide, bring this article and print out the food allergy definitions page on www.TenderPalate.com.

3. Develop an Emergency Action Plan

You could have more than one food allergy or intolerance, each with a different type of bodily response.  Work with your doctor(s) to answer these fundamental questions:
•    Exactly which kind of food allergy or reaction do I have?  
•    Is there an underlying reason for my food allergies or intolerances?
•    How do I treat the underlying cause?
•    How severe is each allergy/intolerance?  
•    Which foods (if any) should be on a rotation diet?  
•    Which foods (if any) must I completely avoid eating?  
•    Which foods (if any) are dangerous to inhale?  
•    Do I need an Epi-pen?  
•    When and how do I use the Epi-pen or any other medication?   

Then develop your action plan and review it with your doctor(s).  Your plan should include how to recognize each type of reaction, what to do if the reaction is a severe one, and who to include in your plan should action be needed.  

4. Learn to Read Labels

It’s not as easy as it sounds.  Along with words that even rocket scientists can’t pronounce, labels contain allergens “hidden” from plain view.  For instance, most regular soy sauce contains wheat.  “Smoke flavoring” can contain barley malt (gluten).  Whey is derived from dairy.  Livetin contains eggs.  “Non-Dairy” does NOT mean “Dairy-free”.   Don’t ignore the “May Contain” labeling, either.  Significant amounts of an allergen can be present in foods because of processing, even if that allergen is not listed in the ingredients.  For more on this, visit “Hidden Allergens” at www.tenderpalate.com.  A good general label-reading rule is that if you don’t know what it is, don’t eat it.

5. Do a Pantry Cleanse

If you have a severe reaction to food particles that can become airborne, like wheat flour or peanuts, remove that allergen from your home.  Go through your pantry, refrigerator and freezer, and then dump (or give to a food pantry) any food with ingredients you or your family can’t eat. Even your medicine cabinet needs a good “once-over”.  Vitamins and medications can be made with or derived from things like wheat, eggs, dairy, corn or yeast.   For mixed households with less severe reactions, separate the non-allergenic brands from others to keep from making a mistake or cross contaminating.   After all, breadcrumbs can easily make it into the family butter, nut butters can get into the jam (via a knife), wheat crumbs can get on your gluten-free toast (just from the toaster) and sponges can carry allergens from counter to dish . . . (you get the picture).

6. Check Beauty Products

Researchers recently warned that cosmetics like lipsticks, foundations and powders often contain gluten, but are not labeled as such.  Vitamin E, for instance, is typically derived from wheat.  This can be very dangerous to celiac folks and people with wheat allergies.  Check your shampoo.  Many skin care products also contain coconut and nut oils, which can cause a reaction in people with those allergies.  So don’t stop with the kitchen.  

7.  Find Your Brands

Adding more whole foods like fruits, vegetables, and whole grains to your diet can help remove those long, multi-syllabic mystery ingredients from your worries.  But not all foods are processed alike.  Find those brands (whole grains and otherwise) that pay attention to processing and that test for your particular allergies.  Some really wonderful brands have popped up, find them and relax a little.

8.  Get Out of the Box (and Enjoy it.)

So you can’t eat certain foods.  This doesn’t mean that you are banned from the world of culinary delights.  Your delights will simply be different.  According to many doctors, a varied diet is important to a healthy digestive system.  Wonderful grains like quinoa, buckwheat, teff and millet are packed with nutrients.  Dairy-free coconut milk and yogurt are filled with those important medium chain fatty acids that are tough to get in other foods.  Not all allergen-free products are healthy (some are quite unhealthy), so use your newfound knowledge to be creative, expand your palate and improve your health.

9.  Create Your Tribe

It can be tough to “train” your family and friends.  It’s hard enough to train yourself.  Share this and other articles like it, with anyone who is responsible for feeding a food allergic person.  Share the action plan that you and your doctor create.  Your tribe” could be teachers, family, and friends; even restaurants that have done their homework.  Give your family a list of your allergens to keep in their kitchen.   Always discuss the menu, the ingredients and what needs to be cooked separately before you go to someone else’s house for dinner.  Be gracious but firm.  If someone can’t or won’t accommodate you (they don’t have to), you could suggest the option of bringing a dish that you can eat and share.  Helpful, active support groups are popping up all over the Internet and in towns across the United States where you can discuss common social issues as well as food allergy products and practices.   

10.  Lastly, know that you are not alone. 

There are millions of Tender Foodies just like you.