Tips to Help Your Food Allergic Child "Belong" During the Holidays

Another installment in our series about the social aspect of food allergies, authored by Melanie Potock from www.mymunchbug.com.

Building New TRADTIONs

Thanksgiving is just around the corner.  You’ve reminded the relatives about your child’s food allergies and done all you can to ensure that your child is safe at the yearly family extravaganza.   You’ve worked through the emotions that encompass the holidays, especially when dietary restrictions impact not only your little one, but your extended family as well.

Time to focus on what Thanksgiving is truly about: Gathering together with thankful hearts.  It’s about family, tradition and community.  It’s about gratitude and giving.  And yes, we express our thanks around the table, often with recipes passed down from generation to generation.

How about establishing some new traditions for your little one that don’t focus on food, but on celebrating our time as a family and one that is centered on gratefulness and generosity?  Here a few suggestions to do just that:

Designing Delightful Thanksgiving Tables

 While the adults are preparing the food or perhaps at your house the day before, have a special party for the kids to decorate the table.  Older cousins can assist as the younger kiddos make the centerpiece, place cards, napkin rings or place mats.   This is a time to encourage each generation to get to know each other  a little bit better.  What wonderful conversation starters this will be when everyone sits down! 

Try these centerpieces, place cards, napkin rings or place mats.

A Tisket, a Tasket, Who’s Got the Basket?

Just before dinner, give everyone a small piece of paper.  Each person writes down one funny fact about their lives,  such as “My first job was at an ice cream shop and I'm lactose intolerant!"  or  “My husband called me by the wrong name our entire first date!”  Put them in a small basket, perhaps decorated by your child and while enjoying dinner, pass the basket around the table.  Each person pulls out a piece of paper, reads it, and the table has to guess who wrote it.  Then, that person tells the funny story in detail.  This is the perfect game to video tape – family history straight from the horse’s mouth! Make video copies and give them as holiday gifts in December.  Family holiday shopping - done!

Potato Turkey Heads

You’ve heard of Mr. Potato Head?  Give the kids a variety of shapes and sizes of potatoes, toothpicks, buttons, felt and anything from the bottom of your craft box to create their own potato turkeys, each with his own personality.  Hint: Poke the potatoes with a fork in a few places, microwave the them just slightly the night before and then refrigerate so that little fingers can push toothpicks into the potato a bit easier.  These also make fun place cards (but don't make Uncle Fred's place card look too much like Uncle Fred himself)! 

Find a little inspiration here...

I’m Thankful For…

It’s a lovely touch to share what you are thankful for, but here’s a silly twist to do afterward…go around the table clockwise and the first person must start with the letter A, then B, then C, etc..   Always known for practical jokes, Uncle Rob might say: “I am thankful that Andy’s pet snake hasn’t escaped (yet) from the cage under the table.”  The child on his left might say “I am thankful that Basketball season is coming because I am going to score a gazillion points for my 4th grade team!”  or “I am thankful for Carrots because we dug up the last bunch at our Community Garden to give to the food bank.”

How about a holiday gratitude can?  It keeps us counting our blessing all the way through the end of the year.  

Visit Blissfully Domestic for the how-to's .

Warm Hands, Warm Heart

It’s important to help our children understand that many families don’t have a warm place to gather together on Thanksgiving.  Making blankets  or rice-filled hand-warmers to deliver next week to your local homeless shelter or similar charities is a gracious way of giving thanks for our special day together.  Most craft stores have inexpensive fleece for tied blankets that the entire extended family can construct after dinner.  A few years ago, our family of four made blankets and donated them to Project Linus.  It is their mission “to provide love, a sense of security, warmth and comfort to children who are seriously ill, traumatized, or otherwise in need through the gifts of new, handmade blankets and afghans, lovingly created by volunteer "blanketeers."  Gotta love that!

Is there an adult in the family known for sewing?  Prior to the Thanksgiving gathering, ask them to cut 4 inch by 4 inch pieces of fleece and sew them on three sides as “starter” hand warmers.  During the family festivities, help the kids fill the pockets with rice via a funnel, then  blow in a kiss before whip stitching it shut tight.  For those homeless in our community, a convenience store microwave means not only a hot cup of water for tea, but it is an easy means to heat up these rice-filled hand warmers.  Attach a note,  directions for heating and a tea bag.  Then tell them you wish them well. 

Learn more about how to make rice-filled hand warmers from e-how.com.

It’s Not about the Food, It’s about the Presentation

Okay, it’s also about the food – I’m not fooling anyone here!  But, for your little munchbug with food allergies, participating in the presentation of the food helps them feel valuable and included in the holiday meal.  As a feeding therapist, I love for all the kids to join in on this.  Experiencing the feel and aroma of new foods is one of the first steps to becoming a more adventurous eater.  Here a few tips for getting them involved:

• Handwashing:  This is a golden opportunity to learn about proper hand washing before prepping food!  Soap up and sing Happy Thanksgiving to you (the Happy Birthday song) twice before rinsing hands well.  Dry with a paper towel to prevent your child from accidently being exposed to any food residue that may be on a kitchen towel.  Don’t forget about the soap itself – many contain allergens, especially when the “fancy” ones are put out in the powder room!
• Fresh herbs can decorate any platter or dish.  If you child can’t be exposed directly to the food, have them tear the leaves onto a fresh plate and the hostess can add them herself.  
• Remember to take a minute and admire the presentation.  “Ellie, I love the way you made a nest of greens for the turkey to rest upon! It makes the whole dish look beautiful!”
• Letting the little ones arrange several small allergen-free vegetable trays and then carry them from guest to guest as the adults help themselves is a wonderful exercise in social skills and creates the perfect opportunity for each adult in the family to chat with each child.  So often, kids end up sitting together or playing in another room and miss out on the important feeling of belonging to the extended family. 

Being a Gracious Guest During the Party and Afterward

Demonstrating how thankful we are for the special day together is part of being a gracious guest.  The holiday season is prime time for polishing up on manners, helping with the chores whenever our child can do so safely or offering to entertain the younger children while the adults clean up the  kitchen.  As your child “What is the one thing you would like to offer to do for Grandma today?” and help him follow through.  The very next morning, sit down together and write a thank you note.  Preschoolers can color a picture and kids in elementary school can write a sentence at the bottom of your handwritten note.  It’s all part of the celebration and focusing on what matters most – family. 

Try a handprint turkey card, if you'd like to be creative!

Happy Thanksgiving to you and your sweet families!  I wish you good health andmany joyful memories this holiday season.  _Melanie

More Articles About Thankgiving

Read Aimee's Story:   Second Thoughts About Thanksgiving.

How to Talk Turkey (And Food Allergies) at Thanksgiving.

For more tips on dealing with schools, read:  How to Feel Less Stress With a Food Allergic Child in School.

About Melanie

Melanie Potock, MA, CCC-SLP, of www.mymunchbug.com.  Melanie is speech language pathologist who specializes in feeding.  Her work brings her into the homes and schools of her clients, kids, who for various reasons have difficulty with food or with eating. She works with kids and their parents to develop effective strategies that help children become “more adventurous eaters”.  At least 50% of her clients have food allergies or intolerances, and for them, “adventurous eating” takes on a special meaning.  Melanie is also the author of Happy Mealtimes with Happy Kids” and the executive producer of “Dancing in the Kitchen.”

Aimee's Story: Second Thoughts About Thanksgiving.

Welcome to Aimee B. Smith, our new guest blogger and parent of a food allergic child.  This post is part of a series about dealing with food allergies in social situations -- this series will discuss handling Thanksgiving.  

Upon Arrival

From the moment I step out of our car on-to the snow-packed drive of my aunt’s house, my nose catches a whiff of the delicious aromas of roasted turkey, baked stuffing and homemade pumpkin pies.  The smell takes my mind and taste buds back, evoking all the warmth and nostalgia of Thanksgiving. But before my belly has a chance to rumble with the anticipation of gorging on the holiday spread, a sharp pain stabs my gut. Anxiety overtakes me: Will we be met with sly glances or unpleasant teasing again?  Will my daughter’s food intolerances consume the dinner table discussion? Will I be slammed repeatedly from every direction with questions like, “I forget, what gluten is exactly?” and, “Now tell me again, why can’t she eat this?” The knot wrenching my stomach tightens. Am I prepared to handle the slew of well-meaning but perpetually clueless references of, “I don’t understand…” and “Don’t worry so much, a little won’t hurt her.”?

Second Thoughts

I am having second thoughts about being here. Maybe our family’s dietary baggage is too great a burden to others.   Should we even have come to this dinner? This is as bad as, maybe worse than taking Raina to her friend’s pizza party or attending a neighborhood picnic. I’m scared for her safety, afraid she may ingest the wrong foods.  But it’s not just the allergens, disguised in mouthwatering dishes and desserts that I fear. My concern goes deeper –what if my daughter feels like an outcast, or that she feels somehow less of a person because she can’t eat what others are indulging in? 

Giving Thanks

My eyes turn to find Raina. She’s skipping up to the steps with glee. My Uncle Bob opens the door as full of high spirits as my little, bouncing girl. My aunts push him aside and run out with open arms and wide, glowing smiles to welcome and hug Raina tightly. I relax for a minute; my fears are subdued watching everyone’s joy. 

I remember the lessons that Melanie Potock, Raina’s feeding therapist, taught us: Eating should be enjoyable and relaxed.  It’s as much about the act of sitting down and enjoying each other as it is the food.  We aren’t here just for the food. 

I take a deep breath, allowing myself a break for just that instance from the overbearing stress I put on myself to manage these sorts of situations. As I let out a deep sigh, I remind myself of the pressure I place on myself to ensure Raina’s safety and that I’m doing a great job.

As I waddle up to the steps, laden with bags of my own allergen free pumpkin pie, gluten/egg/dairy free, green chili cornbread and homemade gravy I think perhaps this year can be better. I inwardly repeat my daily mantra, “It’s getting easier each day.  It’s getting easier each day…”  

Aunt Margie jolts over to grab a bag and, peaking in, says, “Oooh, look as these goodies! Your cousin, Lizzie, will be so happy. She’s on some crazy diet, off the dairy and gluten as well.” 

“Really!” I reply in shock then burst out a big smile, eager to greet my cousin, our new comrade on our allergen-free team. 

While I can’t always have faith that my family or friends will understand Raina’s needs or bend over backwards to accommodate her, I can hope that each year will improve as we all grow. I’m certain Raina will someday grow to be her own advocate and we, as a family, will find improved ways to cope with our stresses. Now that, is something to be thankful for!

About Aimee

Aimee B. Smith is a mother to four year old Raina, her miracle girl who was born a micro preemie at 24 weeks gestation. Aimee and her family embarked on an allergy-friendly journey after discovering Raina suffered from multiple food intolerances. The process has opened up a whole new adventure of cooking, shopping, dining and socializing for her and her husband. She is an avid writer, who finds inspiration for her art through her strong spirited daughter and the challenges and triumphs of motherhood.